We’re all probably going to go out screaming, so the best thing to do prior to that is to try to try to pack that life with as much wonderfulness, fun, productivity. Surround yourself with people that are gonna fucking help you do that, you know, ‘cause in this world, there’s not a lot of support. There’s a lot of negativity. There’s a lot of fucking cynicism.

The world is full of fucking “why?,” man.

You tell people something, they’ll tell you why. Throw a rock, and you’ll hit somebody with “why?” Like, “Hey, man, I want to make a movie.” “Why? Why do you think you can do that? Why? Why? Nobody else is doing it. Why are you doing it?”

There’s so much fucking “Why?”

You go out and find “Why not?”. You surround yourself with “Why not?”. People who are just like, “Why not?” Where you’re like, “Hey, man, I’m gonna try something,” and they’re like, “All right, why not? Let’s give it a shot.” People who will try to help you do your dream, make your dreams come true and shit, and you’d do the same for fucking them.

We’re all in this together, and it costs nothing to encourage a fucking artist…just like Wayne Gretzky said, like, you miss 100% of the shots you never take. It’s always worth the fucking shot…I’m talking about artsy shit, you know, writing a blog, fucking making some music, making a movie, making a fucking cupcake store or fucking a knitting store or fucking putting together a YouTube clip, just anything that’s just not fucking, “Oh, we must do this because it’s part of my job, or this will get me money.” Some shit you just do to see if it can be done. Live a “why not?” life, man, because we’re all gonna die fucking screaming. 

So make sure, when you die screaming, you’re totally fulfilled. You’re like “I took all the shots! I did it, I did it. I went after everything I wanted to, or at least tried.” 

Take the shot. The shot is always fuckin’ worth taking.

Kevin Smith

People talk about Friends now like it’s a cliche, but it really was the first non-kids’ show that made me laugh so hard I fell over.

(Source: lobsters-were-on-a-break)

That lucky (and rare) moment when you find out the paper you put off until right before it’s due is actually really easy.

My two favorite friendships. Bo and Kenzi (I wish I could have found a higher quality picture) and Buffy and Willow. Best friends doesn’t even begin to cover how amazing these relationships are. 

[Lemony Snicket]

I’ve seen this episode 3 times at least, noted the music and title, and never looked closely at the background… 

When I get my first paycheck, I’m going to go back to the salon and get my hair dyed professionally. I like auburn, but I miss my hair being more vibrantly red. These are my three favorite shades, which one do you think I should get?

danharmon:

Kids:

A few hours ago, I landed in Los Angeles, turned on my phone, and confirmed what you already know. Sony Pictures Television is replacing me as showrunner on Community, with two seasoned fellows that I’m sure are quite nice - actually, I have it on good authority they’re quite nice, because they once created a show and cast my good friend Jeff Davis on it, so how bad can they be.

Why’d Sony want me gone?  I can’t answer that because I’ve been in as much contact with them as you have.  They literally haven’t called me since the season four pickup, so their reasons for replacing me are clearly none of my business.  Community is their property, I only own ten percent of it, and I kind of don’t want to hear what their complaints are because I’m sure it would hurt my feelings even more now that I’d be listening for free.

I do want to correct a couple points of spin, now that I’m free to do so:

The important one is this quote from Bob Greenblatt in which he says he’s sure I’m going to be involved somehow, something like that.  That’s a misquote.  I think he meant to say he’s sure cookies are yummy, because he’s never called me once in the entire duration of his employment at NBC.  He didn’t call me to say he was starting to work there, he didn’t call me to say I was no longer working there and he definitely didn’t call to ask if I was going to be involved.  I’m not saying it’s wrong for him to have bigger fish to fry, I’m just saying, NBC is not a credible source of All News Dan Harmon.

You may have read that I am technically “signed on,” by default, to be an executive consulting something or other - which is a relatively standard protective clause for a creator in my position.  Guys like me can’t actually just be shot and left in a ditch by Skynet, we’re still allowed to have a title on the things we create and “help out,” like, I guess sharpening pencils and stuff.  

However, if I actually chose to go to the office, I wouldn’t have any power there.  Nobody would have to do anything I said, ever.  I would be “offering” thoughts on other people’s scripts, not allowed to rewrite them, not allowed to ask anyone else to rewrite them, not allowed to say whether a single joke was funny or go near the edit bay, etc.  It’s….not really the way the previous episodes got done.  I was what you might call a….hands on producer.  Are my….periods giving this enough….pointedness?  I’m not saying you can’t make a good version of Community without me, but I am definitely saying that you can’t make my version of it unless I have the option of saying “it has to be like this or I quit” roughly 8 times a day.

The same contract also gives me the same salary and title if I spend all day masturbating and playing Prototype 2.  And before you ask yourself what you would do in my situation: buy Prototype 2.  It’s fucking great.

Because Prototype 2 is great, and because nobody called me, and then started hiring people to run the show, I had my assistant start packing up my office days ago.  I’m sorry.  I’m not saying seasons 1, 2 and 3 were my definition of perfect television, I’m just saying that whatever they’re going to do for season 4, they’re aiming to do without my help.  So do not believe anyone that tells you on Monday that I quit or diminished my role so I could spend more time with my loved ones, or that I negotiated and we couldn’t come to an agreement, etc.  It couldn’t be less true because, just to make this clear, literally nobody called me.  Also don’t believe anyone that says I have sex with animals.  And if there’s a photo of me doing it with an animal - I’m not saying one exists, I’m just saying, if one surfaces - it’s a fake.  Look at the shadow.  Why would it be in front of the giraffe if the sun is behind the jeep?

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  I’m not running Community for season 4.  They replaced me.  Them’s the facts.

When I was a kid, sometimes I’d run home to Mommy with a bloody nose and say, “Mom, my friends beat me up,” and my Mom would say “well then they’re not worth having as friends, are they?”  At the time, I figured she was just trying to put a postive spin on having birthed an unpopular pussy.  But thisis, after all, the same lady that bought me my first typewriter.  Then later, a Commodore 64.  And later, a 300 baud modem for it.  Through which I met new friends that did like me much, much more.

I’m 39, now.  The friends my Mom warned me about are bigger now, and older, bloodying my nose with old world numbers, and old world tactics, like, oh, I don’t know, sending out press releases to TV Guide at 7pm on a Friday.

But my Commodore 64 is mobile now, like yours, and the modems are invisible, and the internet is the air all around us.  And the good friends, the real friends, are finding each other, and connecting with each other, and my Mom is turning out to be more right than ever.

Ah, shit, I still haven’t called my fucking Mom.  

Mom, Happy Mother’s Day.  I got fired.  

Yes, Mom.  AGAIN.

Proving once again that studio executives are really Mola Ram from Temple of Doom, tearing out the heart of the show and throwing Dan Harmon into a lava pit.